WOW, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? My folks, I have been so far down a really complicated rabbit hole that I’m a different freaking person this side out. We’re not going to concentrate on that, though, no. The world has gone to shit around all of us right now and I’ll have a lot to say about a whole lot of it, but for now let’s recap my personal little corner of it all in a flavorless, matter-of-fact way while I use the photo
panels to introduce you pictographically to my new hobby, which I’ve managed somehow to cultivate despite it all -- one of those awesome patience-oriented hobbies which require hours of awkward, cramped standing or sitting motionless in funny
positions outside for highly questionable returns. Hobbies are great, let’s hear it for hobbies!
For one thing, my kid has been Really Sick. Not hospital sick but Really, Really Sick. We found out with an antibodies test a few days ago, though, that it hasn’t been coronavirus after all – it’s been a very severe flu and
secondary lung inflammation. On top of the other health problems it’s been devastating; our health professionals outdid themselves though, and we even have prescription weight-gain shakes delivered to the door. Let’s face it, my kid’s always been underweight, takes after Daddy – this has been terrible and recovery will be long.
For two thing, the nearly-two-year saga of just fighting for the right to try to recover from the effects of the demeaning and prolonged failed struggle to salvage my “career” comes to a head soon with the application for at least temporary disability relief, and oh my do they expect a lot of people so sick it’s hard to get out of bed every
day! Sheesh! One of the very few things I won for myself, however, is a coach who can get me through this; it’s a final push kind of thing and if it goes wrong… I dunno. I dunno. It just can’t go wrong is all. It’s not LIKELY to anyway, but this IS me we’re talking about...
So this all we have going on, on top of the usuals and the global situations and some family stuff and, you know, the works, and then all of a sudden
we’re getting contacted in the middle of the night that my husband’s uncle’d been rushed to the emergency room (on another continent)! I said I’d keep this part glossy so I’ll cut to the chase, he’s fine, it was a bacterial infection and the antibiotics were in time. Thank goodness! Barely were we absorbing this, however, when the word came that my husband’s sister had had a
seizure, had herself been sped to the hospital, and had a huge fucking brain tumor! Are you KIDDING me? It was so big and so immediate they operated right away, before anyone (especially her) had a chance to even absorb what was happening – and what do you know? They got it all in one go, and it was benign. She’s home already, we’ve vid-chatted, she looks GREAT! But that’s all one hell of a roller-coaster ride, man!
It’s about then that the heart palpitations, pressure in my chest, dizzy spells, and so on that I’d been dismissing as “just stress” culminated in an hour of
terrifying double vision and, briefly, a solid black… hole… in the center of my vision so off I went, myself, to the doctor. Nothing to panic about, folks, hooray huzzah; just sky-high blood pressure, something I’ve never known before despite being overweight and so on. I’m not a stupid person, I know what a wake-up call looks like – it only took two weeks of depriving myself of pretty much everything that brings me joy in life culinarily, and now it’s under control. I have a cuff here now and I keep an eye on myself; I do admit that I lapsed during the family-crisis-week and drank thoroughly too much while eating a whole pizza and shot that baby right back up there, but it only took a few days to get it
back down again and I won’t do that anymore.
I’ve barely been functional as a human being, my husband too. Our kid coughed, wrenchingly, continuously, for eight and a half weeks and is still very weak. Family went through Hell, I’ve had to show mindless networking and job-seeking activities every week
while nobody’s under the illusion I’ll be healthy in time to use any of it but that’s the system and it’s all so stupid, and I do confess I’ve failed two people I care about with illustration promises but they ended up with better options in the long run. I’ve been in a useless rage, consumed with self pity, and crying a lot. I guess that’s because when you get right down to it, I’m a human being and all that jazz, and things have been fucking awful. But here we are out the other side of the long, dark rabbit hole, delivered
back into a world of general pestilence but this time it’s tearing itself apart too. Heigh ho.
Well, there’s your recap; I noticed I was falling into the same lurching unproductive rut of “needing to be productive” that was a sort of autonomic reaction to feelings of despair
before... and my goodness but I’ve had those a’plenty, lately, and had to fix all that. Not a good head space, thus, but I try to keep a clear mind and remember that sinking under the surface isn’t the same as drowning and I’m awfully good at treading water. As soon as I realized that the kicking my own ass about writing wasn’t working because I didn’t know where or how to start was all, it was obvious that I should just write about that and have done with it, and now I have. I set the goals I did because they’re attainable, damn it, so I’d better
get back to attaining them.
There! All caught up now, the new hobby displayed and the tribulations aired, and no idea what to write about next so for now, my friends, stay safe, stay well, help each other, love each other. Peace unto you.
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